My Journey part 1 – The Time Before Thought

I will relate various events in my life that I regard as having significance. The earliest of these that I can relate in the normal way was as a teenager and I have had many more since then.

Quite late in life, after there had been a lot of development, I had some experiences which are like a recall from the time before I was able to think, that sets the process of growth in context and gives meaning to what happened after that.

The first occurred about 10 years ago while I was meditating by myself. I must have been quite deep because I had no consciousness of my body. I became aware of a curved milky subtly glistening surface which I cannot adequately describe. The surface seemed to extend in all directions without limit. As I looked, a portion of that surface started to swell. This continued and it formed into a globule which sat above the surface with a thin thread back into the surface itself.

I was given to understand that what I was witnessing was the creation of my own soul. At that stage, I was receiving information in the form of words as well as thoughts.

Reflecting on this, the surface represented what I could call Source, Creator, All-That-Is, God. I was created from that as a distinct entity, but with a thread connecting myself to my Source which could never be broken.

The second experience occurred about 6 years ago. I think I was at a workshop but in a quiet space by myself. This was remarkable. It was much more than being shown something or having a memory; even a clear memory. It was as if I was actually reliving the event. I was a toddler, barely able to sit up, seeing myself, but also was myself at the same time. I could feel exactly how I felt; to try to put this into words is very very difficult. I felt vibrant, alive, aware, at peace, taking in all around me, feeling absolutely clear within, almost like what you could describe as a divine child. For quite some moments I just sat there looking around feeling like this.

Then something came at me from outside. Perhaps an energy. Perhaps some adults around me critical, judgemental of something I was doing. Whatever it was I don’t know, but it was of a vibration much much lower than myself. All of a sudden I began to feel that pristine clarity that I was and was experiencing drop and fade. I became ordinary, mundane, trying to discern what had happened to me. And that was the end of that experience.

I start the story of my journey with these two experiences because they set the whole thing in context.

I was initially shown myself as being created from the substance of creator or God. One of the few things I can remember from my early church days is: “Being of one substance with the Father, from whom all things are made.” Being made as a distinct individual, but with a connection to that from which I was made, which can never be broken.

Then I was shown myself as that pristine child which is how I was created and how everybody else was created. That child has within it all the everlasting qualities of Creator without needing to know or describe them. At the vibrational level and energy that being is very very able to feel its connection as a natural part of its being. What happens to everybody at some stage, often before birth, is that they start to be impinged by energies, vibrations of a much lower level. Those arising from the distortions, the ordinariness and the disconnection that is so prevalent on this plane. The adults around us have inherited this and carried and project it to some extent even if they are relatively pure people.

If we are fortunate, we are given the opportunity to sense ourselves as more than that being we feel we are. We get to expand our awareness and our senses and start to realise that there is more to us than this body and this behaviour and this personality that we are used to.

If it is our desire to progress, to grow, then we are given assistance and material and people to help us along the way to let this development of our sensing and awareness expand and develop. As time goes on, with our aspirations, will come the possibility of starting to really sense ourselves again as we were originally created. We will do this as more spiritually mature, expressive individuals.

You might see this growth as the aspiration to mature in every way; to become an individual who has a strong sense of their true nature, of their connection to the beings around them and their connection and oneness with their Creator.