For the past twenty years my passion for exploring the spiritual aspect of myself has become much stronger. This growth has involved a combination of learning and experiencing. After a few months of being kept very quiet, I am now being encouraged to share what I understand. This website is one of the vehicles for that. Because development goes on continuously, I will add elements as they arise – as posts or as a component of an article about some topic.
I will also describe the key elements of my life journey and the understanding that has come along the way. These posts are named “My Journey part 1 – <title>” , part 2 etc and it will make more sense to read them in order.
All of this has given me a clearer core understanding of the true nature of myself and reality as we experience it. The expression of this will continue to evolve as I do, but the source of this understanding has a permanence about it which can be sensed but never accurately expressed.
But I can have a go!
Up until this time, my growth had mainly been what you might call spiritual.
There were many aspects to this: I certainly learned about the subtler aspects
of myself and reality from various teachers. This was augmented by meditative
and other practices; some done in groups, others alone.
I was also becoming much more connected with the natural world and what
science was learning. The more I went into it, the more I realized that all of
this was no accident, that there was some immense intelligence, beyond my
comprehension, that had brought all of this about. The “Theory of Evolution” only
described how species adapted, it did not at all explain how they came to be.
A friend contacted us to tell us of a talk by AJ Miller in Brisbane. This
brought in new descriptions of the levels of the spiritual realms, leading
towards the nature of God. This also introduced the messages brought through by
James Padgett by automatic writing one hundred years ago. They were from people
who had died and were at various levels of development. There were also messages
from Jesus, the apostles and other key historical figures. I was also introduced to
material channelled from others with great details on progression through the
spiritual realms. AJ Miller believed he was the only reincarnation of Jesus,
which I did not accept. I spent several years doing DVD production for his
group. He is very charismatic and it took too long for me to realize that I was
giving my power away to someone who seemed so much more advanced than I was.
Nevertheless I did learn a lot from him during that period and am
One very important part of that period was learning a lot about emotional
processing. Everyone is injured in various ways as they go through life. Some of
it occurs before we are born and other injuries can be completely suppressed if
they are traumatic enough. I began to go into some of this in his workshops and
also by myself. Things really began to move with facilitators, firstly with a
lady and then the man who had taught her. Karim had an experience in his teens
and searched for its meaning for years. He was trained in Kahuna massage as a
modality. Each of the sessions I had with him produced profound results. He
meditated to prepare himself and call in our spirit guides, talked to me then began.
The massage is of the whole body using warmed oil. He is focused only on
uncovering injuries at the soul level, but works his way down from surface
indicators such as muscle tightness. It can lead to coughing, crying and other
reactions. With each layer of release, you get closer to
experiencing the inner you freed from the debris of those injuries.
The end results varied, usually including a feeling of deep peace. I will
describe only one. Usually how you perceive is very different after a release.
I lay there aware of myself. It was not me looking from outside at my body
nor was it just inner awareness; it was all at once and not differentiated. I
could “see” light being emitted from all parts of my body; various places had
beams of light shining out and a gentle glow emanating as well. A totally new
and unique experience. The teacher “Sailor” Bob Andersen has used the phrase
“self-shining” which is the best way of describing it.
Rayah began to become ill and despite various investigations we did not find
out until late in the process that she had brain cancer. Nothing could be done
to cure the condition at that stage and she passed within two months of having
the diagnosis. Fortunately the doctors and nurses were able to handle her
symptoms fairly well. It was a privilege to be able to go through this process
with her and I am very grateful for the years we did have together. As her time
got closer, there were days when she could not speak, but you could tell that she
was perceiving in a way that was very different. She would see deeply into
someone who came into the room, but was also seeing into other dimensions. By
just being with her, I was sensing some of what she was experiencing.
After that, I was trying to find some direction for my life. Because I had a
computing background, I put several years into trying to learn about internet
marketing. Although I learned the technical aspects and acquired some
facilities, it was not “me”. Some of the facilities will be of use to me later.
In 2014 something very significant happened. I admired some paintings at the
market which had a lot of colour, light and induced a good feeling. The artist gave me a painting
which had been damaged. The next time I saw her, she said she had been “told” to give me a particular edition of the
Bible. Although, I had several Bibles, I never looked at them. We have had quite
a few extended talks since then and this has put me into a whole new phase of my
evolution. What began to happen was that things began to fall away from my life.
The attempt to do internet marketing ceased. Some of the other activities were
curtailed and fell away.
Just after that I was invited to attend a Divine Love Sanctuary Foundation
retreat near my home. The Foundation was started by a Canadian couple, Al and Jeanne Fike.
Al and others channelled messages during the retreat from Celestial beings and
others. There were also discussions and meditations. I met some wonderful people
there including Joseph Babinsky, who had compiled several editions of the Padgett
What had been initiated through meeting the artist, was for me to go beyond
what I had experienced of myself and reality as I knew it, to the Source of all
there is. As I said at the beginning of my story, I had been sent to Sunday
school but I never connected to religious teachings. Witnessing what was done in
the name of religion and some personal experiences pushed me further away.
What I was being led to was a very personal individual opening to God. This
was very difficult for me. I know for others this has been a natural part of
their life. It was also very difficult for me to get to be able to use the name
Jesus. I will not try to cover the details of this process here, but will do so
in other articles.
Each morning, I make my hot lemon drink and sit and communicate through my
journal. Some days this is a profound experience and I am being opened more and
more in this personal way. I am not trying to learn anything externally and read
very little now, even of the Bible. I love what is happening for me.
Experiencing the Presence of God, of Jesus and of others totally aligned with
Divinity now seems the way we are meant to be living. I write in my journal about what is
happening within me and around me and wait for a response. I am fortunate that I
usually receive this in written form, but there are times when I put down my
pen, close my eyes and just experience the communion directly. I also try to include some unstructured meditation during the day.
This is all about giving every individual person the opportunity to become
what they were originally created as. It is a process; but the most glorious
process there is and proceeds apace depending on your willingness to be open, to
let go of the things that no longer serve you and to invite in the communion and
nurturing of those who have never been away from you.
Now that my story has ended; my story can begin.
What I have found is that the most important thing in
life is this opening to the return to who you really are. As we become more
ourselves, we also open more to what it is we are here to do. This can appear to
be very ordinary and that is wonderful. It is not so important what you do as how
you are as you do it. No matter what it is, a most important part of life is to
give some time each day to quietness, to solitude, to inner stillness and to
invite the nurturing that is always available to you. The more people do this,
the more humanity will move towards respect and love for the world of which they
are a part.
I have known for some time that my own contribution is to share my
experiences and what I understand, and to try to help others in this growth
process as my own growth process has been nurtured. I am excited with the
prospect of writing more.
The Byron Bay region of New South Wales, Australia is very rich in offering the opportunity to be exposed to material from different spiritual traditions. There were regular gatherings, but the area also attracted visiting speakers and was host to conferences and workshops. We sampled these and it made me aware of the different approaches to spiritual growth.
We had the habit of settling mid-afternoon for several hours: meditating, reading and exploring. What began to come along was material from what could be termed the Advaita or non-dualist philosophy. We gained from various authors who spoke of moving away from description and thought so that the essential Oneness of all could begin to show itself. Ramana Maharishi’s teachings are important sources. He trained Papaji, who was a householder businessman; and he, in turn, trained Gangaji. She and Eli gave workshops in Byron Bay which helped us along the path. Others helped us to not be limited by dogma or technique. Paul Lowe
held regular talks. At the end of one he said “see if you can be content for just one week with ‘not knowing’ “.
We were fortunate to be taken to a talk by Gabrael. She had been a Professor of English Literature. One night St Francis manifested in front of her and said it was time for her to step into her true role of being a spiritual teacher. Everything changed for her overnight; she had no interest in spirituality before that. She travelled seven times around the world teaching. We gained much from knowing her and helped with some of her presentations.
One thing that was also part of this growth was to meet someone who had shamanic training in the South American traditional practices. When done as a sacred practice this can lead to the opening of your perception and greatly expand your view of reality.
There were others who were becoming very well known internationally. One was Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now” and other books. He gave an extended series of talks, hosted by Oprah Winfrey, which was available to watch live via the internet at no charge. This became so well received that Oprah was paying several million dollars for each talk for the internet bandwidth charges.
Another friend introduced us to talks by Adyashanti. He was a down to earth young man from California who had a passion for spiritual growth. Some of his training was by Zen Buddhist teachers; though again it is not helpful to classify him. After years of devoted effort, he felt he was not achieving what he wanted, despite having many extraordinary experiences. He just stopped doing all his practices. After six months he had a spontaneous awakening and went through a period of intense adjustment for seven years. He began to teach and has written several books and conducts a weekly internet radio program.
When he visited Australia, I was chosen to go to the microphone to ask him a question. He answered my first question and it led on from there. At the end of that I was experiencing Oneness, there was just he and I, but not even he and I. The people and the room we were in were like shadows, but I was experiencing the depths of myself in his presence. That was and is the strongest experience I
have had with another person.
In one of his many recorded video talks, he said, in effect: “I just keep talking until the mind gives up completely and you sink into yourself”. At another, he was asked what was most important to him. He replied: “Being here talking to you.” His talks on different aspects of the growth process are valuable because they are clearly delivered, without complication.
Each of these teachers is pointing to the same thing: to really know, you must dive into yourself where the true answers lie. All teachings can only tell you about this experience. If they are from a true teacher, they will facilitate this dive into the depths of yourself.
My Journey part 5 – A Near Death Experience and A Course in Miracles
I had at this time left my University computing career. We had a family pet and aquarium business which grew for some time then competition led to its collapse. My health collapsed with it and I ended up in hospital intensive care with pericarditis, which is an infection of the heart membrane, and pneumonia at the same time. The doctors could not bring the fever under control for a few days. A nurse later told me I had almost died; a psychic much later told me I had died and had had a near death experience (NDE). While in that fever, I had some expanded experiences. One was working with angelic beings to release the souls of people who had died in the hospital but were still earthbound. I could “see” the souls being released and rising up into a vast vortex to be met by the bright beings ready to assist them on their soul journey.
This left me physically very weak but something had shifted in me. I knew that I had to give priority to continuing my spiritual growth and spent several years by myself in Sydney.
Something else of great significance occurred which I did not fully acknowledge or retain at the time. I started to develop the symptoms of urinary retention which I had had before. I was taken to Katoomba Hospital in New South Wales and was asked to wait in the treatment room of intensive care, because the only doctor on duty was attending to an emergency. As the pain increased, I began to walk around and call on the Masters I knew of from the meditation groups to help me. I called on the Archangel Michael, Sananda and others but the pain just got worse. Finally I found myself addressing God by name and it became bearable until the doctor came. She was very apologetic and gave me excellent treatment and I stayed in hospital overnight. For many, this would be natural but it was not for me. I did not think of myself as having a real connection to God or Jesus at the time.
A lady in one of the meditation groups was prompted to drive across Sydney to loan me “A Course in Miracles” which was felt to be transmitted by Jesus. I went to the Academy in Byron Bay, New South Wales, several times; then moved there in July 1999.
We had light sessions in the morning and evening with additional study in the afternoons for six days of the week. This was the first time in my life that I had been immersed full time in an intensive spiritual practice. It was very effective in furthering my growth. In the morning session, we would use music and movement to raise our vibrations, then one of the teachers would speak on some aspect of the Course which was appropriate to the group at the time.
I remember walking on the beach with our principal teacher, Hector, discussing my development. He then quoted from the Bible: “Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and all else shall be brought unto you”. As he said this, I could “see” myself focusing all my attention above me and sensing many things being swept in from the sides to join that upward sweep. I did not think of myself as religious at the time.
Within a few months, I was offered a plane ticket to attend a worldwide gathering at the Academy in Wisconsin. About 60 of us set off filling most of the upper deck of a Boeing 747. The meeting was to start on the 9th of September 1999: 9-9-99. There were about 600 people there from many countries for the three weeks of the gathering. I learned more from the Master Teacher, Charles Anderson, who had the same birthday as Sai Baba (and also Mother Teresa). I delayed my return to Australia several times, then met Raya, a student of the Course from California. She came to visit me in Australia soon afterwards and we were married.
I learnt a great deal and had many experiences in Wisconsin. One important one occurred in an evening session with just a few others present. We had been using music and some movement as usual to raise our energy. I was immersed in this when my back arched strongly and some others had to support me. I had experienced the rising of the Kundulini energy from the base of the spine for the first time. After a while I could stand by myself again and became very still for a long time. This occurred once more.
Raya and I stayed with the Academy in Byron Bay for about a year, then had the feeling that we needed to continue away from any organized group.
I was beginning to feel that I wanted to do something more structured. I saw an article in a Sydney newspaper about Dr Tennyson Yui, a teacher of Tai Chi. He had learnt from masters in China and had been ballroom dancing champion of Hong Kong. I began learning soft forms of Tai Chi and one martial form. He had created a soft form, Supreme Tai Chi, which drew from traditional forms. As a new student, I learnt the movements mechanically. Then after some time I began to experience something else. As I moved my limbs, I could feel the energy in my limbs but also in the space around my body. The energy involved seemed to have a locus which moved in space with the changing position of my limbs. This was the first time that I had extended my perception to the non-physical dimension while doing a physical activity. This was an important step in the opening up of my perception. Tai Chi also gives many health benefits, as does Qi Gong which I now do.
At this stage of my life, I had a young family. It was while I was standing at the sidelines watching my young son play soccer, that another father suddenly started telling me about nearby meetings of a Sai Baba group. I did not know him and had not introduced the subject. I had seen a brief segment on Sai Baba in a documentary on evidence of the travels of Jesus in India. I began going to the meetings and learning to chant; initially getting tongue-tied with the Sanskrit words. Within a few months I was off to India in a group with my wife. There were so many rich experiences in that journey. The first memorable one was waiting outside at dusk at an airport and feeling transfixed. Our group leader, Ann Audet, had me sit away from the others until I began to function again.
Our group was fortunate to have two interviews with Sai Baba. In one, he manifested a ring for me. The interview room was tiny and I was sitting on the floor next to him.
He was speaking to all of us and said:
“I am a manifestation of God”.
Then he turned to me, tapped me on the knee and said:
“You also are a manifestation of God.
The only difference is that you have not yet realized it.”
This was a very important thing for me and the others to hear, but it did not really hit home until I was given the vision of the creation of my own soul years later – that I described at the beginning of this story. I had a second trip to India seven years later.
Soon after we returned, Ann began having meetings in her home. In addition to the chanting and reading, she also included guided meditation. This was a new experience for me. One member of this group, Trudie Moore, who had the spiritual name Raya, began teaching many aspects of spirituality and invited me to join. So I learned about energy, chakras, auras and many other things; as well as experiencing the guided meditations. She was very talented and I had private sessions with her, where she would channel a being who was appropriate for the work that was being done. After some time she told me it was time to go ahead on my own.
Some years later, I again felt I wanted to be part of a group. Within a week, three separate people told me about Brian Terrill and I joined his group. There were initially just three men named Brian, Brian’s wife Joann and two other women. We used a recorded meditation and Brian would channel questions and answers, sometimes from Sananda. I suggested he channel the meditation as well and we had various Ascended Masters guide us on wonderful journeys. The numbers grew and he moved from a flat to a house then conducted meetings in premises next to Sydney airport where over 100 would attend. I became his sound man and helped with workshops and other events. Brian’s spiritual name was Alton Melchizedek.
Alton went to America to learn the “Flower of Life” meditation technique from Drunvalo Melchizedek. I learnt it here and then began to teach it.
As the numbers grew, Alton was guided to host a smaller group on a different night to the public meeting. The guided meditations progressively furthered our development and led to the exploration of newer aspects of ourselves. It was a wonderful time. The entity guiding us was sometimes one of the Ascended Masters but usually Sananda. I thought of him as holding the Christ Consciousness at a time when I did not have any real connection to Jesus.
I had guidance sessions with Alton but also learned to channel myself with his help and that of Kyeren, who was one of the other women in the original group. I remember the experience of getting the first halting words when I was sufficiently tuned in to hear. This was a very valuable aspect of my growth, because it involves the development of faculties which are normally dormant. After some time I could channel to a small group and convey the words that were being said, but also the feeling that was being sent down; sometimes very intensely.
It was around this time that I had a most important experience. I had been pondering humility and had been looking at where I was in my development compared with some others. I was by myself in a simple meditative state, when I felt a most beautiful loving energy approach me. I knew it was Sananda. Not a word was said, but he just stayed next to me for quite some time. The only way I can describe it, is that he fully saw and acknowledged every aspect of me just as I was. He was seeing me as I was created by God and sharing the seeing with me. As I thought about this later, it was recognizing the inherent magnificence of every being. There was not one shred of ego involved in this. I felt that true humility was not about diminishing yourself (or aggrandizing yourself) but simply seeing the whole you exactly as you are.
This period in the nineties was very rich and intense, and led to the next phase.